You Can Leave Your Hat On
by Jewels12
Summary: Luke and Lorelai get caught in a slippery situation when Rory comes home unexpectedly.


_Well, hello there! Remember me? I know it's been a terribly long time since I posted anything, and you can all thank Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche for inspiring me to do so. I recently watched the movie 'Dan in Real Life' for the first time, and I simply had no choice but to write this. Strangely, I didn't find Dan's real life to be very realistic, but it was certainly entertaining and amusing, particularly the shower scene. Just for your 411. This story is set during season four. Both Ls are completely single … Yes, I know, I'm taking the moral route this time, though it pains me to do so. Huge thanks to __**Mags **__– my beta, my coach, and my mentor extraordinaire. She always makes me look good. Hope you all enjoy the dirtiness!_

At a quarter to seven, Lorelai began her morning ritual. It always kicked off with a not-so-friendly battle between her and the snooze button on her alarm clock, followed by a groan of defeat and several muttered curse words as she finally dragged her butt out of bed.

Next came the slippers. The cozy, well-worn, fuzzy pink slippers were always able to give her that extra boost of … well, nothing, but they were cute as hell, and she liked them, and that's all there was to it. She lumbered to the bathroom, took a weary peek at her face in the mirror, and turned on the shower tap to heat up the water while she undressed.

After towelling dry and securing her robe, she commenced the arduous task of detangling her curls. Her eyes were lined, her curls were diffused, and her mood, slightly improved as she trudged back to her bedroom for the cream and clothing stages.

A casual glance at the clock confirmed that she was indeed running late, so she curled her gold hoop earrings safely in her palm and circled back to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Mia had given her the earrings on her 25th birthday, just weeks after she'd promoted Lorelai to housekeeping manager. Any time she wore them, she was flooded with memories and filled with a surging sense of confidence, pride, and accomplishment.

She bit down on the toothbrush, wiggling it back and forth with her teeth and tongue while she attempted to put on her favourite earrings. Hindsight was a beautiful thing. Multitasking wasn't. One earring was successfully inserted, the other slipped out of her hand and found a home at the bottom of the sink. Lorelai let out a yelp and dove for it, her efforts only pushing it further out of reach as it fell down the drain and into the dark depths below.

"Noooooooo!" she cried with a mouth full of toothpaste. "No, no, no, no, no!"

She quickly ran downstairs and spat into the kitchen sink, grabbing the portable phone on her way back up the stairs and dialling her emergency number.

"Luke," she gasped when he gruffly answered. "I have a major problem."

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While she waited for Luke, Lorelai called Michel to let him know she'd be late. She didn't have to wait long for Luke to arrive. She never did. That both comforted and contented her.

The sound of her panic-filled voice set Luke off in a sprint toward her house. He didn't even feel an ounce of guilt for abandoning Caesar during the breakfast rush. Lorelai was in trouble, and Lorelai came first.

He charged through her front door without even knocking and shouted, "Lorelai!" at the top of his lungs.

"Upstairs!" she called back. "Bathroom!"

He frowned for a minute, wondering what kind of emergency situation she was in that involved the bathroom. Regardless, he shot up the steps, pausing outside the open bathroom door and knocking on the outer wall. "You decent?" he asked considerately.

Lorelai snorted. "Of course I'm decent. What, did you think I was naked?" she giggled. "Help, Luke, I've fallen in the shower and I can't get up!"

He groaned, slowly poking his head into the doorway to be sure.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the sleeve. "Get in here," she said, yanking him into the bathroom.

Luke silently took in the scene, noticing that everything was in its place. There was no broken glass, no traces of blood or any other substance, and no loose electrical wires. Growing suspicious, he flapped his arms out to the side and said, "So what's the problem?"

"Earring," she sighed, gesturing to the sink.

"Earring?" he repeated in a question, certain that he hadn't heard her correctly.

She nodded sadly. "I lost one of the earrings from my favourite set down the sink."

His jaw dropped and he stared at her in disbelief. "You call me in a blind panic, nearly give me a heart attack in the process, and drag me away from my business during the busiest hour all because of an earring?" he demanded.

"They came from Mia, Luke," she explained despondently. "If I lost one of them, I'd be heartbroken."

Luke softened a bit at the mention of the inn owner's name. "It fell down the drain?" he asked, placing his hands on the edge of the white porcelain.

"Yes. It only happened a few minutes before I called you. And I haven't run any water or anything. That's good, right?"

"Well, it definitely doesn't hurt." He released a heavy breath. "My toolbox still here?"

"Yeah, front hall closet."

He nodded and started for the door.

"Hey, while you're down there, could you grab me a Pop Tart? I'm starving."

"You get your own Pop Tart," he growled.

"First cupboard on the left," Lorelai instructed him, ignoring his statement.

Minutes later he returned upstairs, toolbox in one hand and three wrapped Pop Tarts in the other. "I didn't know what kind you wanted," he said, offering them to her.

"Oh, Luke," she sighed dreamily, pressing a hand to her heart. "You really do care." She greedily plucked all three from his outstretched hand and proceeded to unwrap the chocolate fudge-flavoured one first.

"Why anyone would eat that crap is beyond me," Luke muttered as he knelt down on the floor, dropping his toolbox beside him.

He started setting out his tools while Lorelai watched from above, moaning unabashedly with every morsel she chewed.

"Can you pass me the wastebasket there?" Luke asked, shaking his head at the sounds she was making. "I need to put it under the trap."

She shoved the still-wrapped Pop Tarts into her pocket and held the half-eaten one in her mouth as she set about retrieving the requested item. "Done," she mumbled through stuffed cheeks, holding it out to him.

"Thanks," he chuckled, noticing the faint smears of chocolate at the corners of her mouth.

Lorelai ducked down next to him, swallowing the remaining bites of her breakfast treat. "What can I do?" she asked, eager to help so they could both be on their way.

He thought for a second before he reached into his toolbox. "You can hold the flashlight," he offered, passing it to her.

Lorelai lit up in a smile. "Wow! My very own flashlight!" She turned it on and unintentionally flashed him in the eyes with it.

"Jeez!" he complained.

"Sorry," she apologized, giggling quietly.

"Under the sink, Lorelai," Luke directed her. "Shine it under the sink so I can see what the hell I'm doing … if I can even see at all anymore."

"Such a baby," Lorelai murmured, doing as she was told.

Luke used his pipe wrench and carefully unscrewed the slip nuts, removing the trap. Lorelai's eyes were glued to his every movement.

He leaned back and couldn't help from smiling at the keen interest he saw on her face. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "This is very fascinating."

"You are a strange woman." He reached into his tool box with his free hand and pulled out a pair of rubber gloves. "Here, put these on," he said, tossing them to her.

Lorelai frowned. "But I'm holding the flashlight."

He deposited the slip nuts on the floor and took the flashlight from her. "There. Better?"

"Much," she answered happily, slipping on the bright yellow gloves. "Now what?"

Luke handed her the trap and smiled at her bemused expression. "Go through the pipe and see if you can find the earring."

"Just … uh, stick my finger in there?" she wondered aloud, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

He smirked. "Yes."

Lorelai noticed the twinkle in his eye and gasped, completely missing the innuendo of her remark. "That was extremely dirty. Nice catch there, Danes." She closed her eyes as her index finger disappeared into the pipe, feeling around for the earring. Biting her lower lip in concentration, she stretched even further, a strained grunt escaping from her throat.

Luke laughed, deciding to help her out by shining the flashlight into the pipe. Immediately he spotted the earring, and he dipped his hand in to grab it. "Open your eyes," he said softly.

The timbre of his voice gave her goose bumps. Her eyes slowly fluttered open to find him grinning at her. "You found it!" she squealed in delight, gratefully accepting the earring from his outstretched hand and giving him the trap in return. "Oh, Luke, thank you. Thank you so much. I can't tell you how relieved I am."

He smiled in response, getting straight to work on putting everything back together again.

Once the job was done and the leak test was passed, Luke stood up, his knees creaking in protest.

Lorelai washed and dried the earring and the rubber gloves, returning the items to their rightful places. Luke followed behind and washed his hands thoroughly.

"So we're all set?" he asked, shoving his hands into his back pockets.

"Looks that way." Lorelai smiled. "Sorry to take you away from the diner."

"You heading off to work?"

"Yeah, duty calls … or a very angry man with a French accent calls. Either way, I must vamoose. Thank you again," she told him, taking a step closer.

He shrugged. "It was no big deal. You did most of the work."

"Hardly," she scoffed. "I wouldn't have a clue without you." She paused for a moment then added sincerely, "I wouldn't have much of anything without you. You always save the day."

Luke swallowed hard. "You've, uh, got some chocolate…." He closed the remaining distance between them and brushed the corner of her mouth with his thumb. "Messy eater," he whispered, withdrawing his hand.

"I did it on purpose," she whispered back, pressing her lips to his in an urgent kiss. Luke's arms wrapped around her tightly, and Lorelai moaned, arching her back, melting into his warm embrace.

The front door flew open and the sound of Rory's voice caused them to jump apart in sheer panic.

"Mom? Mom, are you here? I need to talk to you."

"Shit!" Lorelai hissed, staring at Luke in disbelief. She clutched him by the shoulders and started forcing him in the direction of the shower.

"What are you doing?" he whispered in confusion.

"Hiding you," she stated as though it was obvious.

As Rory's voice grew closer, Lorelai's movements became more frantic. She helped Luke step into the tub and closed the curtain behind him, turning on the bathtub tap to make it look like she had a purpose for being in the bathroom.

"Are you crazy?" Luke whispered, backing away from the water pouring over his boot-clad feet.

"Upstairs bathroom, hon!" she finally yelled to her daughter, propping herself on the edge of the tub. "Just be quiet and I'll get us out of this," she promised Luke.

Within seconds, Rory had located her and was puffing out of breath. "Hey," she said, smiling at her mom as she crossed the threshold. "I had to drop off something at Lane's and I figured I'd see if you were home…." she trailed off. "Oh, sorry, were you about to hop in the shower?"

"Uh … yes," Lorelai answered slowly. "I mean, yes! Yes, I'm running a bit late as you can tell so I should really get going here. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

Rory nodded in understanding. "You go ahead and take your shower. I'll just talk to you through the curtain."

Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut is frustration. "Um, no. The shower can wait. Let's talk."

"Mom, I don't want you to be late on my account," Rory insisted, taking a seat on top of the overflowing laundry hamper.

"You know," Lorelai said, fidgeting with her hands, "I think I'm not gonna take a shower after all. I'm really not that dirty."

Rory stared at her mother, puzzled. "Are you wearing your work clothes already?"

"Oh, um … I was just trying them on. I, uh, like to do that sometimes, you know … A little dress rehearsal before the final show."

Rory stood up and walked over to Lorelai, attempting to reach behind her, but Lorelai jerked back, her elbow coming in contact with the faucet that turned on the showerhead and abruptly soaked Luke. "What are you doing?" she asked Rory, rubbing her sore elbow.

"Just checking to see if the water was ready," Rory explained, alarmed by her mother's behaviour.

"Oh, it's good and ready, and now the spray's coming out so I guess I'm just gonna have to get myself in there," she said, gearing herself up to do just that. She slowly started to slide the curtain back when Rory cleared her throat.

"You planning on wearing your clothes in the shower?"

Lorelai blushed, chuckling slightly. "Probably a bad idea, right?"

Rory nodded. "You okay, Mom? You're acting kinda funny."

She took a deep breath and willed herself to stay calm. "I'm totally fine, hon. Just, you know, running late. A bit stressed. Better get this shower thing over with, huh?"

"Yeah, you go right ahead," Rory told her, reclaiming her seat atop the mountain of laundry.

She turned her head while Lorelai began peeling the layers of clothing off of her body and dropping them unceremoniously to the floor. Rory thankfully didn't notice when two Pop Tarts popped out of her mother's pants.

Luke couldn't believe what was happening. His clothes were thoroughly saturated and sticking to his body, his eyes were clouded over by the steam from the heated water, but the only thing he could feel was the ferocious pounding of his heart.

Completely bare, Lorelai held her breath and pushed the curtain aside just enough to squeeze herself into the confined space. Luke courteously closed his eyes, though it killed him to keep them that way. Lorelai held one hand over her breasts and the other over her groin, but she couldn't fight the smile that appeared when she saw how hard Luke was concentrating … and how hard other parts of him were. She bent down and grabbed a face cloth, slipping it into Luke's hand. His eyes opened at the gesture and he saw her –this woman he'd dreamed about – standing before him, naked, wet, breathing rapidly, a quirky grin on her face, and he forgot how to breathe. He immediately slapped the cloth over his eyes and whispered apologies to her.

Lorelai covered her mouth to hold in her laughter. She realized that her daughter had been talking this entire time, and she hadn't heard a damn thing. All she could hear was the trickling water as it ran down his whiskers. All she could see was his firm jaw-line and the muscles in his chest and shoulders, now so clearly defined. All she could feel was her body being drawn to his, wanting nothing more than to press against every surface and every plane.

"So what do you think I should do?" Rory asked her.

"Crap," Lorelai muttered. She looked to Luke helplessly and asked, "Did you get any of that?"

He nodded and whispered softly, "Tell her to give Paris the article on fast food. I think Rory can pull off the parking lot story. Rory can pull of anything."

Lorelai smiled gratefully, smoothing her palm down his cheek. "You're the best."

She regurgitated his words to Rory, earning a small sigh then an eventual concurrence. Rory's cell phone buzzed. "That's Paris," she said with a groan. "I better get back to Yale. I'll call you later, Mom." She climbed off the hamper. "You should hurry up. You've been in there for a while."

"Yeah, I'm just about done here," she assured her daughter. "Love ya, sweets! Safe trip!"

"Love you too!" Rory called back as she scurried off.

Lorelai didn't say a word until she was certain she heard the front door slam closed. The moment it did, she stepped closer to Luke, kissing the throbbing pulse at his throat.

Luke gasped in surprise, reaching for the cloth that covered his eyes, but Lorelai caught his hand and pinned it to the wall.

"Let's get all these wet clothes off of you," she said in a throaty voice, slipping the buttons on his soggy flannel shirt free.

She eased the heavy fabric from his shoulders and hung it over the side of the tub. The tight black undershirt he wore clung to his skin so deliciously that she almost hated to remove it, but she did, quite quickly too, holding the cloth to his eyes with one hand while the other pulled the shirt over his head and dropped it to the growing pile.

Her mouth found purchase on his firm chest, slicked smooth with the water that seeped through his clothing. She closed her lips around his nipple and flushed with desire when Luke's hips jerked in response.

"So hot, so wet," she whispered, kissing a trail down his stomach to the top of his water-darkened blue jeans.

His belt was practically torn off and tossed carelessly aside as she focused on ridding him of the most tedious obstacle. It was no secret to anyone that trying to get a pair of wet jeans off was comparable to squeezing a watermelon through a keyhole. They both grunted and groaned as inch by torturous inch of his skin was exposed. His boxers got lost in the mix as well, and by the time she dragged the material to his feet, Luke was almost fully in the buff.

"You can leave your hat on," she told him, grinning mischievously after disposing of his boots and socks.

Now that they were even, Lorelai took away his blindfold. They stared at each other for countless seconds, mesmerized, hypnotized, enchanted, and aroused out of their minds.

Before either of them realized what was happening, they were entangled in a kiss that deepened instantly – as deep as the deepest ocean. Tongues touched and hands moved freely, frantically, ravishing every bit of skin that wasn't being kissed.

Luke abruptly turned her around so she was facing the wall and claimed her breasts, his palms aching with the tingles of desire that shot through them. His head dipped against the slope of her neck and he kissed her, using his tongue and the beads of moisture to fuel the fire.

She moaned, begging him wordlessly to make love to her. He needed no such encouragement. With his knee, he nudged her thighs apart, and she propped her right foot on the edge of the tub. He positioned himself behind her, entering her in one long, powerful thrust. They both cried out as heat and intense pleasure engulfed their bodies.

The water pounded against Luke's back, urging him on, driving him deeper, the slickness of her arousal and his own determination making their union the most intense either had ever experienced before. He filled her and filled her, over and over again, fighting to stay upright, never wanting to stop.

Her inner walls squeezed him into fits of bliss, and he was lost, falling over the edge with her, moulding their hands together against the cool tile wall as their bodies trembled from the aftershocks.

Breaths slowed and evened out, bodies separated and turned, and lips clung together.

"So … work," Luke whispered when they finally pulled apart.

"Highly overrated," Lorelai replied, scraping her index finger along his stubbled jaw.

He smiled. "Think Rory's gonna be okay with this?"

"With us showering together? Yeah, totally," she teased, kissing him lightly. "I think it's best if we don't share this particular tidbit with her, but yeah, I think she'll be okay with it."

Luke groaned. "Let's just keep this between us."

Lorelai nodded in agreement. "My lips are sealed," she promised, slipping the backwards baseball cap from his head and plopping it down on her own. "How do I look?" she asked him flirtatiously.

"You can leave it on," he growled, kissing her senseless.

_The End!_ :)


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